Hello world it is I. It has been a while since I have posted and I have a few ideas as to why I have waited so long. School has been crazy but not totally unmanageable. Life has been busy but I still have some down time. Yet if I am being honest I feel beaten down. I don't want to go out or explore  or be creative. I just what to sit in silence or go to sleep. I get angry or frustrated about little things. I forget everything including what day it is. I have caught myself leaving the house in sweats or just dressing like a general homeless person. I eat cereal or soup so I won't have to cook and doing things that I love has become burdensome.



I am standing on the threshold of depression. Then I thought...why? Why am I letting myself be and feel this way when I know there is so much life to seen and get excited about? Why am I comparing myself to those around me? I am not them and they will never be me. Why am I letting the words of others control or determine my mood or out look? Words like "your behind" " graduating late" "never going to make it". Again they are not me. Everyone moves at their own pace and gets where they need to go on Gods time to serve His purpose. I also realized I am letting my life controlled by my education! Since when do I care if I fit within societies norms. I was not made for school, school was made for me. 

This has been a big month for me and I didn't know it until yesterday. This is my life...right now. Not 3 years down the road when I get out of school. Not 5 years when I get a real job and make real money. Not even next semester or next summer when I can start planning stuff. NO. Life. MY life is happening right now and I am missing most of it because I am planning for a future life. I am letting days and experiences slip by because I am discontent with today because it doesn't look like tomorrow. 



For so long I let myself be bogged down by the past and now I am allowing the future to do the same. Christ died to give me freedom, yet I have been willingly been rushing back into bondage the first chance I get. Well no more! This is the end of the pity party. I am done with empty and ridiculously high expectations, both for myself and the future. I am trusting God to handle the future because He already has. I am letting go of my pride and need for perfection because I will never get there. And surprisingly that is a revealing thought. God doesn't need me to be perfect or have my life together. He wants my surrendered heart and for me to trust and depend on Him for all things. 

So hello world! Today is a new day! 

Hello world! I hope life is swimming happily along for you. I made it through the first week of school! Whooo Hooo! If you did too, congratulations! One week down and only 15 more to go! The semester race is on lets start and finish strong. I met a lot of "freshies" this week and I am so thankful that I am passed that point of my life. it's a small victory I know but it is still an accomplishment. Some days are just crazy. sometimes there is just too much information to process or too many things happening to take it all in. RELAX. take a deep breath and find joy in the small things. Life is made up of moments. I was reminded of this over this past week. I have been trying to juggle 2 jobs and 5 classes and honestly the pressure was getting to me (yes I know it was only the first week). I was working one afternoon in the bookstore and one of the other employees was on break in the back eating a kiddy sized Ice cream cone. Now let me paint you a picture of this guy. He is kinda tall and quiet, really serious looking with this half beard half stubble thing going on. Basically a pretty big guy. I have spoken with him maybe twice. Any way he is tiny eating this Ice cream cone and as frozen things are prone to do it is melting every where. I am going about my merry way when I pass him 20 min later finally done with his Icy goodness. He is walking along about to pass me when he looks down at his hand. I am expecting it to have Ice cream or be sticky or something...right? Nope. He gives me this dead pan look and says "I think I need a band-aid". he then calmly shows me the gaping hole in the palm of his hand. It was so unexpected I just nodded in response. Then I burst out laughing. The whole thing was ridiculous. From him bringing an Ice cream cone into the break room to him taking 20 min to eat it, all the while his hand (holding the cone) was bleeding everywhere. You may not think it was very funny but that encounter made my day.



Soooooo a few more weekly highlights! First, I found a new thrift store in Denton. It's not new, just new to me. It is called Giant Thrift and is right next to Walmart. Waaaaaay better than Goodwill if you are looking for clothes. Second, I went to connect week with the BSM. It was actually fun! I met a lot of new people and enjoyed getting to know them. I am planning on meeting a few of them later into this week to hang out.

I have 3 blogs or discussion forms that I have to post to multiple times through out the week for class. but I am going to do my best to keep up with this one as well, please bare with me.

Hello world! I am officially a student at UNT and I have been living in Denton for one full week as of today! I am still settling in to my apartment. I have two roommates who I don't know. They work a lot so I have not seen much of them this week. Honestly these past few weeks have been crazy! I went to the schools orientation, got all my classes, moved here, applied for a few jobs, got a job, and now I am interviewing and doing more job hunting for a second one.

Part of me is a little nervous about living on my own. I am also a little anxious about finding more work. Because right now at the job I am in I will not make enough to pay rent. :(

But when those feelings of doubt and worry creep in I just remember that God has put me in this time and place for a reason. He knows what I need and when I need it. Even if that means I need to sweat the bills a little and cool my heels with work. Maybe He is setting the stage for something great or maybe not. I know He is using this time to grow and strengthen my dependence in Him.

I will post pictures of my new place as soon as I remove some the moving boxes. Have a great weekend. Stay cool in this heat.

Hello world! I thought now would be a great time to start a new blog. Because my life right now is super stress free and relaxed...JUST KIDDING! My life is crazy busy. But hey we will make it work.
Now for some general information about where you have found your-self.  This blog is about my life. All the ups and downs, all the messy bits and high-fives, and all the adventures and all the boring everyday. There will be a little bit of everything. So welcome! Take a seat. Kick your shoes off. Put your feet up. And PLEASE keep your arms and legs in the ride at all times. Be prepared to forgive my typos and grammar. Future post may be rambled, ridiculous, and irregular. But I hope you check back often and embark on this journey of self and life discovery with me.